Splice the mainbrace, swab the decks, hoist the jib and put the cat out – Steam were sailing to the Isle of Wight for this year’s Summer Party.

All were gathered down on the River Hamble ready to set sail in a fresh easterly breeze under a bruising sky. Two boats eased out of the marina and made their way up the Southampton water to test the crews’ sea legs, past the huge container ships, laden full of promotional swag from China. Debs provided sandwiches, crisps and chocky biks all round – hurrah!

But soon the boats were turned to the open water and we broke free from the mouth of the Hamble and entered The Solent, tacking our way across to Cowes. The crew scurried back and forth from port to starboard as the boom swung across – let’s just say that some did more scurrying than others, and someone’s lifejacket inflated just for the hell of it. ‘Le Grange’ threw himself into his duties and he also threw himself on board to a departing boat and hung onto the wrong side of the railings for dear life.

On arriving in Cowes, everyone hit the bar for a relaxing drink before dinner. Murphy was especially ‘relaxed’ by 7.30, Spinky had to wear the sailor’s outfit all night as he was late that morning but we all know that he secretly loved it, Lynchie won the bake off and was awarded the golden spatula, everyone laughed a lot and then we went to the pub, where everyone got down in a nautical stylee to the house band, and Lucy and Lynn trawled for men! Then it was back to the boats for a party.

Murphy fell asleep, Lynchie fell off the boat (twice) and was sent to bed, Wookey was told to f**k off by some geezer and then some went skinny dipping.

Next morning it was off to Yarmouth around the western coast of the Isle, and a gripping wind meant we made short time of the trip before mooring up for a fish lunch in Saltys Bar – we waved goodbye to the hangovers and said ahoy there to the Pinot Grigio – before setting sail homeward bound.

The wind by now had dropped and the sun had come out, and so we spent a welcomed leisurely jaunt back home thanks to the onboard motor until we reached terra firma on the mainland.

From there it was Southampton to London on the coach polishing off the rest of the wine just to make sure. That was that then.